NARCISSISM: Is your partner a narcissist? Take a test.

Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:

  1. Does your partner act cold and uninterested when it comes to your feelings or other people’s feelings, or is it difficult for him to understand how other people feel?
  2. Does your partner exaggerate when talking about their life, achievements and work (for example, talking about having an incredibly good job and how they will only have the best in life)? Is your partner arrogant and convinced that he is superior to other people?
  3. Does your partner believe that he or she deserves special treatment in all aspects of life (when it comes to business associates, service workers, friends and life in general)? Is he angry when people don’t treat him that way?
  4. Does your partner manipulate people or situations to meet his or her needs without paying attention to other people’s feelings?
  5. Does your partner get angry quickly and react inappropriately in a given situation?
  6. Does your partner often think that people want to fool him and use him?
  7. Does your partner lightly criticize others while it is too difficult for him to listen to criticism on his or her account without immediately “speeding up” or even being angry?
  8. Is your partner often jealous of you and your friendships, relationships with people, successes, and opportunities that come your way?
  9. Does your partner do bad things without feeling guilty about them or even not knowing that what he did is not good?
  10. Does your partner need people to constantly admire and validate him for what he does in the form of compliments and rewards and to seek them out (through social networks or by constantly telling people about his achievements)?
  11. Does your partner often lie, omit important details, or provide you with inconsistent information?
  12. Does your partner like to prove himself or herself? To make a big deal of everything, including entertainment, the car he drives, the places he goes and the way he presents his life to other people?
  13. Does your partner regularly project his feelings on you (for example, accusing you of being angry while he yells at you, or being inconsistent while his life is in chaos)?
  14. Is your partner greedy and materialistic? Does he constantly crave new things and more money and not stop until he reaches his goal?
  15. Is your partner emotionally cold and restrained? Does it recede, especially when you are experiencing or expressing strong emotions?
  16. Does your partner often question you and doubt you to the point that you feel crazy?
  17. Is your partner frugal when it comes to his time or money? Is he generous only when it benefits him?
  18. Does your partner regularly avoid taking responsibility and blaming others for their mistakes? Is your partner usually defending himself instead of taking responsibility for his behavior?
  19. Is your partner vain and obsessed with their appearance and the way they present themselves to the world (eg when it comes to dressing, clothing and accessories)?
  20. Does your partner like to control others? Is he trying to control your behavior? Does he seem almost obsessed with the need to order and control your environment and organize time?
  21. Does your partner change their mood, behavior and lifestyle unpredictably and inconsistently? Do you often feel like you don’t know what’s coming next?
  22. Does your partner regularly take advantage of you and other people? Does he always make sure that his needs are met, even if it means that he or she is misusing or distressing you or others?
  23. Does your partner enjoy other people’s failures? Does he/she rejoice when someone is having a rough time in life or work, especially if that person is usually better than him/her?
  24. Is it difficult for your partner to be alone?
  25. Does your partner have a problem with setting boundaries in relationships with people? Does he continue inappropriate relationships with friends and colleagues even when you tell him you are not comfortable with it?
  26. Has your partner ever sexually or emotionally deceived you?
  27. Does your partner “shut down” while you are telling him something? Does he yawn, look at the phone or the papers around you while talking to him?
  28. Does your partner become vulnerable or sensitive when stressed or not doing well? Does it cope badly with essential stressors and become sensitive in those situations?
  29. Does your partner often neglect the basic rules of polite behavior (eg does not tell you that he will be late or recklessly doing something and saying something that hurts you)?
  30. Does your partner often use their looks or sexuality to attract other people’s attention? Does he/she like to flirt and often make sexy jokes with other people or on social networks?

If you answered “yes” to 15 or more questions, your partner is probably a pathological narcissist. If “yes” was an answer to 20 or more questions, you can be sure. Of course, some of these traits are more problematic than others, and some of you are more troubled. For example, you may have answered yes to just a few questions, including number 26 because your partner cheated on you. Not all adulterers are narcissists, but perhaps it was his behavior that permanently damaged your trust in him (nevertheless, the person with the unfaithful partner probably did not answer “yes” to that question alone). Some of these issues have more weight in the diagnosis of pathological narcissism. Key issues are under the following numbers: 1 (grandiosity), 2 (sense of privilege), 4 (empathy), 10 (need for worship and affirmation), 13 (projection) and 18 (avoidance of responsibility). These traits form the essence of narcissism and foster superficiality while preventing deep and intimate relationships. If your partner has these key traits, many other traits from that list will follow them.

No one will be able to answer all the “no” questions – we all have some of those qualities. You may have a nice, compassionate partner who simply likes to keep his car or closet tidy. One swallow does not make spring, as no “yes” makes one a narcissist. However, the more of these problems you have with your partner, the harder your relationship will be. From the book “Staying or Leaving: How to Survive a Narcissist Relationship” by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, psychologist and psychotherapist (original title: “Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist” by Dr. Ramani Durvasula)

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