How do you say goodbye when your heart still wants to hold on?

It is late at night..
The clock says that it’s 23 minutes after midnight but you feel like the time stopped. For you, those 23 minutes lasted for ages, and every next minute will be a new torture.
You want to sleep. You think that sleep is going to help avoid this thoughts. You think that when you fall asleep, world stops spinning just for a few hours. You don’t have to worry for those few hours. When you fall asleep, you create your own world where those problems are far away and they are small as they can be.
But you cannot fall asleep. Its like your eyes are refusing to take you there. They actually don’t want to close.

You look at the phone and you see that it is 1am.
You are looking at the walls, and there is a whole story painted on them. It is like your mind is running through a storage in your head and somehow finding all the bad stuff that you hid in there long time ago. Your mind picked up that one scene, like it knew that it is the one that hurts the must.
Now you are in a loop hole. You have that one thing that aches the most, repeating itself, offering you a new chance to find what did you do wrong. Is it something you did? Is it something you said? When was the exact moment when everything started to fall down? When was the last moment when you felt completely happy?

Now you start to question what exactly happy is and is one person capable of being entirely happy? Maybe you are okay like this. Maybe this pain you are feeling right now has become a part of you and if you lost that you wouldn’t know what to do or where to start.

You don’t even know what time is it, but you finally managed to fall asleep.

There is a bridge. You don’t know what’s on the other side. Maybe it is better then here.. Maybe it is worse. To be honest with you, chances that rainbows and unicorns are waiting on the other side, are pretty slim. But after all sleepless nights, torturing scenarios that are repeating themself and every tear that you shed.. Are you not even interested if it can be better on the other side of a bridge?

It is pretty foggy so you can’t see how long will you have to walk. Maybe a few minutes, maybe a few hours, or a few days, weeks, years.

Now that you are awake.. I have to ask you, do you think you are ready to say goodbye and walk away?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s