Drivers are internalized coercion systems. In other words, drivers are within us and force us to do certain activities in a certain way. Coercion refers to the part that we cannot consciously make a decision to stop certain behavior, so it is considered to be coercive.
Why do they make us do certain things? First of all, because our value that we have about ourselves depends on them. Example: I’m only valuable if I work. If I don’t work then I’m not a worthy person for myself.
There are 5 drivers and now we will list them and explain in more detail what each driver brings with them.
A key feature of all drivers is that they condition our self-worth. This means that we are valuable if we are under the driver. If we are not, then we consider ourselves to be bad, that we are miserable, that we are not worthy, and our thoughts about ourselves are diminished.
- BE STRONG
If I’m strong, I’m only worth it. If at some points I’m weak or if I show my freedoms, I’m not worth it. These are the inferences that people make under the be-strong driver. For example, there are women who want to do everything themselves. Such women do not need anyone else’s help, they can carry a great burden on their own, they can solve the problem themselves, they simply do not need anyone. On the other hand, there can be men who never show signs of their freedom and vulnerability. They don’t show their emotions such as crying in front of someone. Such men are only valuable when they are strong.
This driver can affect interpersonal relationships because in relationships people want to get to know the vulnerable side of the person, want to connect with the other person through pain and have the ability to express empathy.
- BE PERFECT
People who are under this driver strive for excellence. Anything that is not perfect by their parameters is not worth it. They are not worth themselves unless they do something perfectly.
They do not have 8 or 9 on the scale, they have either 10 or 0, no between.
- PLEASE YOU / PLEASE ME
Please others or please yourself.
The Please You driver refers to people who value themselves as long as they please and help others. Unless they help someone, they are not worth it. So, they are only worth it if they help or please someone. If it’s bad, the person under the Please You driver feels responsible for helping another person, and if he fails, blames himself and thinks he’s not worth it because he didn’t help someone.
Please Me is a description for people who value themselves only if they please someone. That is, if someone admires them, if someone does something for them, if other people care about them, that person is worth it.
● Please You and Please Me have the most stable relationships.
Why? Because one partner likes to help and another likes to helped.
- WORK HARD
If I work, I’m worth it. When I’m not working and I’m not productive, I’m not worth it. This is the basic belief of the people under this driver.
This belief can easily be projected on other people in their environment. For example: if my friend or partner is not working, he is not worthy and I do not respect him. When it works then it’s worth it to me.
These individuals are compelled to constantly work, as soon as they do not, their image of themselves is disturbed.
- HURRY UP
The person does everything in a hurry. Performs fast commitments, always late, panting, torn to many sides. These people find it worthwhile only to do things in a hurry. If they have a long time to complete an activity, they will endeavor to leave it all for the last moment to do some task under pressure and haste. If they have performed a task or an obligation lightly spontaneously and without pressure, they feel as if something is missing and they are in a hurry.
This article lists the drivers that exist and transactional analysis as a psychotherapeutic direction for drivers.
If you have any of these drivers or most, don’t be alarmed. The first step in taking control of drivers is to be aware of them.
In the following articles we will explain how you can control your drivers.