Prohibitions are verbal but can also be non-verbal messages that parents send to their children. Of course, they may not necessarily be the parents, they can be any person who is a role model to the child or who was of great importance to the child while growing up.
It is important to note that these messages are not sent by parents out of ill intent, but have poor outcomes for the child. The parents of the ban refer primarily to their own fear, suffering, or pain that they themselves have experienced and do not want their child to feel the same pain or suffering.
The following is a list of current prohibitions, but we believe that there are many other prohibitions that are characteristic of today’s society. These bans were designed by the Goulding Marriage Bar (Mary McClure & Robert L.)
This prohibition is addressed by frightened parents.
Don’t go down the stairs, don’t go out on the patio, don’t pet the dog, don’t climb.
In this case, parents are overly protective of their child and not allowing him or her to examine and explore the world through their experiences.
- DO NOT EXIST
The worst and with the worst consequences on a child’s life. It is usually pronounced in a very subtle way such as, for example. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be a happy woman / man. You are a great torment, everything would be easier if you were gone. Because of you, I suffer. You are guilty of my life.
Over time, the child develops an unfounded guilt for the life of his or her parents and feels guilty and responsible even though he or she is not.
- DO NOT THINK / DO NOT BE IMPORTANT
The child is not allowed to talk until the parent has given permission. They think that the child has nothing clever to say and therefore it is better to keep quiet. The suggestion implies that the child has nothing to think about but only to listen to the parent.
This makes the child to label himself or herself as stupid and later has trouble expressing his or her opinion or doubting his or her importance and abilities.
- DO NOT FEEL
Prohibition on showing emotions. Parents either do not respond or observe the crying child with rejection. It also happens that parents are sometimes annoyed that a child is happy and implicitly let him know to get out of his sight. The child realizes that it is better not to show how he or she feels, because no one responds pleasantly.
- DON’T BE YOUR SEX
When a parent tries to get a girl to dress men’s things or boys girl’s things. In essence, the parent was also expecting or wanted child of a different gender and trying to adapt the child to their wishes.
- DO NOT GROW UP
They prefer children when they are little. They are treated as if they were a certain age, as if they were 4 years old. “Don’t do it, mom will.” We’ll wash your stuff, we’ll have your lunch. They do not allow the child to do ordinary activities that are typical of his or her age.
- DON’T BE CLOSE
Discouraging your child from becoming close to other people. Probably the parent has been hurt before because of the closeness and tries to explain to the child that it is best with not to be close with anyone because they will end up hurt.
- DON’T BE A CHILD
It is directed by parents who expect older children to care for younger children or to do activities that parents expect. It does not matter if it is a second or fifth child, it is important that it is older and replaces the role of parents in the upbringing of their young sister or brother.
- DON’T BE SUCCESSFUL
When a parent cannot bear to lose in the most traditional games like football, tennis, board games from their child. The usual reactions is the anger of the parent against the child because the child has defeated him. The child concludes that it is better not to succeed than to have other people beat him or her to make them happy.
- DON’T BELONG
When it is difficult for a child to understand where it belongs. This may be due to frequent moving or changing environments. The child is just adapting to the new environment and the parents decide to change society or school.
- DON’T TRUST
Don’t trust people and it will be best for you. These are messages sent by scared parents or injured parents for fear that their child will be betrayed or injured. They are told that it is best not to trust anyone so that no one will disappoint you, because people will certainly disappoint you if you trust them.
- DON’T LEAVE ME / US
Prohibition for child to leave and abandon the parents. It can directly threaten the child that they will no longer have the financial assistance or general support of the parent if they leave and go elsewhere.