To be happy now, or to be happy forever?

Sometimes, I am not even aware what I am doing to myself. I am forgetting that my actions may hurt me. They can bring me mental and physical pain.

The voice inside me. I turn it to the lowest volume. That is the voice that is reminding me not to forget about myself. It is saying that my actions are actually disrespecting not someone else, but me.

Consciously I decide about everything that is going to happen in my life and I keep forgetting that actually I am the one bearing all the consequences.

All over again, I repeat all the mistakes that give me immidiate joy and I neglect a long-term happiness.

I do not even look at the mirror any more. I am hiding from my own reflection. I am scared that what is going to say, may be the harshest truth that I ever heard.

My reflection is following me, but I am trying to ignore everything that I know will come back at me once, when I do not expect it.

That was a moment when I took a paper and a pen. I separated a paper in two with a straight vertical line in the middle. On the left side of a line, to fill a blank space, I wrote down all that I am getting right now as a product of my action. On the other side I wrote all the things I may be getting only if I appriciated myself more.

The fact that on the left side was just a few things was enough for me. And what did I do next?

I had to face the truth and start moving some things around. They say old habits die hard, but I am not even close to giving up that easily.

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